Just A Kiss

"I know we started off pretending to be a couple, pretending to be in love, and in reality we barely tolerated one another. But... I can hardly tolerate the idea of this- whatever you consider our relationship- I can't stand the idea of it ending. I'm not pretending anymore. I stopped pretending weeks ago, and I think you did too. I think we both love each other as much as we're pretending to pretend in front of everyone and we, um... we, uh- I want... I love you and-" I take a deep breath then let it out. "I know you've probably been wondering where your ring went off to, but it's not lost. It was never lost. I took it so I could ask you something. I wanted to ask if you would marry me... for real?"

I pause, as if waiting for an answer. I stare through my reflection, trying to imagine her standing in front of me. How would she react to my little speech? What would her expression give away? Will she say yes to that?

"No," I say, glowering. "She's going to say no."

I bang my hands on the porcelain sink, grip it tight, then droop my head. Right now, I'm sort of hiding out in the guest bedroom's bathroom. I've been avoiding Annabelle pretty much all morning, ever since we finished breakfast and I made the decision to take the ring. I don't know what came over me, but when I walked into my- well, our room, I saw the ring I gave her for our fake engagement. And suddenly, I wanted it to be real. I really want to be engaged, I really want to marry her, I really want to spend of my life with her. So as stealthily as I could, I snatched up the ring, and ran for it before I could change my mind. For the past few hours, I was trying to think of a way to ask because there's a slight chance she may not feel the same way.

I go into my pocket, take out the ring so it's at eye level, and look at myself warily in the mirror. "This is going to be a very long night." And it will be since we are to attend another party. And according to my parents, it will quite be extravagant, even compared to the others we've gone to. "Damn, I hope it all ends well."

"Jesus Christ! Where is it?! Where is it," Annabelle cries from the other room.

That is my cue. I walk out of the bathroom, out the bedroom, across the hall, but stop at the door. "Woah, what happened in here?" Our room looks like it was hit by a natural disaster. Did she do all this?

She drops to her knees when she sees me. "I'm sorry! I am so sorry, Oliver! I can't believe I let this happen!"

"What happened?" I think I know what happened, but the panic in her eyes is starting to worry me.

"It would be perfectly within you rights to kick me out of your house right now if you want to and never talk to me again. No hard feelings whatsoever!"

"What happened?" She covers her face and mumbles into her hands. "What?" She removes her hands, looks to me, then hides again. She mumbles something again. I carefully walk over the mess to her side, squat down and pull away her hands. She looks away. "Tell me what happened," I insist.

"I feel terrible about it... but... but I lost the ring!" She cringes. "I don't know how I managed to lose it though! I put it on the night stand like I always do, but when I come for it to put it on, it's gone."

I hold back my relief. By the way she was acting, I thought it was something horrible. But I can't downplay this too much without her being suspicious. But I can't argue too much because it could deter my chances tonight. So, I snap. "How does a ring go missing just like that?!"

"I don't know, Oliver!"

"Are you sure you left it on the night stand?"

"Yes! Positive!" She snatches her hands back and hides herself. "I'm sorry! I know the ring use to be your grandmother's so it's a family heirloom and I'm stupid enough to lose it. But I promise- no, swear- that I will pay you back. No matter how long it takes. And it will take some time since I don't two pennies to scrape together, but I will pay you back!" Then she begins to writhe, attempting to pull out her hair, her eyes darting around the room, then she drops back to the ground and tossesthings over her shoulders.

I manage to dodge the first few items, but when I space out, feeling guilty for causing her such anxiety, I get a book to my face. "Ow!" I rub my left cheek and hiss. But even then she keeps up her frantic search. I have to stop her before the shoe in her hand is thrown out her grasp. "Can you stop that?" She looks up. "You're going to take an eye out."

"Sorry, yet again." She gets up and inspects the sore spot. "How hard did I hit you?"

I hope she can't hear my heart. It's pounding in my ears, not because of the bruise but because of how close she is. "Not hard. Just stop throwing things."

She frowns and looks around again. "I guess if I haven't found it yet, I won't find it at all." Her eyes suddenly grow wide. Then she shouts, "Roxy!" A minute later, the beagle comes trotting in. Annabelle crouches down and opens the dog's mouth. "I swear if you ate this ring, Roxy, I'll-"

She's that desperate? "Why would she eat a ring? I'm pretty sure dogs don't go around eating random objects, especially ones a well fed as her."

"What else am I suppose to think?" she snaps. "Unless..." She turns on me and jabs at me. "Unless this is some sick, cruel joke."

"You think I have it? I swear this is not a joke. I'm not that cruel." That's not a total lie. This is most definitely not a joke.

She practically collapses to the ground, nearly giving me a heart attack, but she puts her head between her knees. "What am I going to tell your parents? They are going to kill me. And I don't blame them. I am mince meat. What am I going to do? What am I going to say? They're going to think I'm lying and just trying to steal it."

"I know you aren't trying to steal it." I stole it after all.

"It doesn't matter because there's no way to prove it. The ring is gone because I lost it! They're not going to believe me because I was caught 'stealing' once from your family, so a second time something goes missing to them will be much more than coincidence." Annabelle hides her face again. "I am out of here. I just know it." Then she start digging around for her possessions, stuffing it into her little backpack.

"Annabelle, you don't have to leave because the ring is missing."

"I might as well leave now because I'm sure they're kicking me out."

"No, they're not. Trust me." You're never leaving me... if you say yes, that is. "Stop being melodramatic! You're not leaving. And don't you even think about running off again."

"But-"

"No. You're staying. You're staying and you're going to help me clean up this disaster. And then after cleaning up, we're going to get ready for the party tonight. Got it?" She doesn't answer me. "Got it?"

"Yes, okay. You do not need to get pushy."

I fold my arms and smirk, "Apparently I do, Miss Stubborn." She childishly sticks out her tongue.

For hours, we sort through the disaster that is our room. The maids come in at some point for daily chores, but stop at the door like I had. It's almost comical, their expressions. We've never had a mess this big in here. Ever. We tell them we've got it taken care of, but reluctantly offer to help. We insist we've got it and they thankfully leave. Honestly, I want some more alone time. Or atleast that's what I thought before I saw Annabelle's method of cleaning. While at some times we played instead of cleaned, making a bigger mess, half the time she was complaining about the way I organized things. She wanted shirts folded a certain way, the bed made in another and loads of other things. I had no idea she was so... tidy. Odd coming from a girl who use to live on the streets.

"Finally," I groan. when we finish

"Done," she sighs, brushing my hands on her shirt. "What time is? I'm starving." She looks over at the time and does not look pleased. "We have to start dressing for tonight, don't we?" I nod and she kicks the air. "Darnit! They better have a something good to eat at that place."

I laugh at her. "Just go get ready. Or my parents will kill you."

"Maybe that's when I can tell about the ring," she teases.

"Will you drop that already?" I ask flatly.

She makes a faces, but walks over to the dresser. "What should I wear tonight?"

"Something... formal." Though I'm sure anything she wore would look stunning on her.

"Since when do I dress formal? I have nothing formal."

"Yes, you do. Check in the closet." She saunters to the closet and begins pushing things aside, but gets no where. I come over and pull out that blue dress. Annabelle's jaw drops. "You still haven't worn it once. And I know I kept having you wear things to purposely stand out, but lets change things up. Plus, according to my parents, tonight's events are much more formal than others and if I show up with you looking like a hooker, I will 'disgrace' our family." I shrug. "I don't care, but why waste a dress?" I really don't care, but I need everything perfect.

Annabelle stares at the dress, wide eyed and seemingly hypnotized. "Thank you." I hand over the frock and she runs in the bathroom.

As soon as that door shuts, I scramble about the room. I nearly trip as I switch into nicer slacks and a shirt, I sntach up my coat, then find the box that had originally carried the ring. I carefully place it back in, and stare at it. "Oh, dear God," I mumble, walking out of the room, and snapping it shut. "The night hasn't even begun and I'm panicking."

I walk into the backyard, thinking I'll need as much fresh air as possible before being stuffed into a room full of people who judge everyone else. And sometime between schmoozing all these partygoers and keeping Annabelle in a pleasant mood, I have to somehow pull her aside and spill everything. I have to just let out all of these feelings and hope I'm right about her feeling the same way. I have no idea what I'll do if she doesn't. How humiliating will it be to get down on one knee, spouting on about how I want to be with her, and it turns out I read everything wrong, and she doesn't feel the same? I'd not only ruin this friendship, but then I was idiotic enough to believe her acting.

Maybe... I should wait a day? I was being impulsive this morning. I need to plan this out. Maybe I can plan something nicer for tomorrow. Something at the beach? At the park like that painting of us? I can wait one night, right? It's not like I'd be putting this off for months. Just a day. That's all. And I run back into the bedroom, finding it empty thankfully. I take out the box and plan to stuff it under the matress on my side. I take it out of my coat pocket, pop open the lid and look at the tiny gold ring with it's simple diamond again.

"No," I groan. "If I don't do it now, I don't think I'll have the guts to do it later. So..." I toss the box up and catch before tucking it back into my coat. "Here goes nothing."

"Oliver! Get out here!" That wasn't Annabelle. That was Clarisse. She and Taylor are picking us up for the big bash.

"I'll get him." That was Annabelle! "Oliver! Oliver! It's time to go! How come you're never ready when people get here! I thought I was the girl!" I can hear the sound of her heels clopping on thr floor as she comes closer, so I run for the door. But by the time I reach the door, she had too, so I knock her over before slamming the door behind me. "What were you doing in there?"

"Sorry." Terrific. I'm already messing up. I extend my hand to help her up and she brushes herself off and sits into her hip, her usual stance. But I say nothing. What do I say now? Just drop on one knee now and get it over with? Annabelle yanks on my tie then peeks into the room, but steps back to scrutinize me. I try to look innocent. "What?" She huffs a sigh before grabbing my hand and leading me into the living room with the other two. "You look beautiful by the way," I add before we reach them. And I mean it of course. She always does. " I wish you would have worn it sooner."

"Thank you," she snaps.

Oh no, Annabelle's mad. This can't be a good sign, can it? I have to fix this now.

"You found him," chimes Clarisse. "We can go now! Right?" She grabs Taylor and pulls him out the door.

Annabelle is about to follow but at the last second I stop her. "Hey, are you really mad at me right now because I didn't come running when you called me?" I turn her around to face me. "I didn't mean to make you mad."

Annabelle quirks her eyebrows, "No...?"

"Then why did you snap at me?"

She looks shocked. "Umm, it's our thing. We snap at each other all of time. We did it not even thirty minutes ago."

"Oh, right. I just don't need you being mad at me." Of course. Why am I worrying over a little bickering? We do tend to do that a lot, Damnit, I'm making this too obvious. She must know something's up now.

"I'm not at all mad. You know I'm only joking when I snap you at, most of the times? Right, Oliver? I don't mean it more than half the time."

"I know, it's just that-" That I can't have you mad at me at all tonight. It needs to be perfect, or else I'm going to kicking myself in the rear for screwing this up.

Clarisse calls for us again. "Hey! Come on! We need to leave!"

"We'll talk later, okay?" she suggests.

I nod once, then take her hand and lead to the car up front. As always, I open the door for her, let her sit before joining Taylor in the front. I appreciate the fact that Taylor isn't in the mood for teasing or taunting today, so we hold no conversation. I'm busy trying to mentally rewrite my speech. Periodically, I look back at Annabelle and feel a mixture of happiness and anxiety. Happy she's here with me, anxious for what I'll be doing. Once though, she sees me peeking back at her. I can't stop the blush creeping up my neck, so I stay looking away to spare further awkward glances. But by the look in her eyes, she's trying to figure it out. She knows something. What this something is, I'm not sure. Maybe she knows I have the ring, but does she know it's for genuinely good reasons, not for laughs later on?

Again, tonight is going to be a very long night.

My parents were not lying when they said this get together would be particularly more extrvagant. It's almost garrish with all of the money obviously spent for this event. After getting out of the car, taking Annabelle's arm and escorting her in, I can hardly take a step without another set of servers offering food. A huge band is playing music, and other the far side of the place is a huge buffet table. Annabelle stops to ogle the moment we walked in, and I saw the self conscience look that painted itself on her face. She peered down at her dress and looked around at everyone else's garb.

I want to say, "You are by far the most beautiful girl in here. You don't need some fancy dress to show that off. They'll be talking your beauty with envy by the time we reach our seat, I bet." Or something along those lines. But I don't. I should, but I don't. I feel like it'd give to much away.

But I am proven right.

Everyone wants to see Annabelle in the dress, so she's being passed around from crowd to crowd, being inspected and praised. Despite that, she actually looks like she's enjoying herself.

I'm by her side constantly, whether I'm talking to her directly, or to another group entirely. I either have her hand tangled with mine or my arm around her, holding her close. I'm finding it difficult when I have no choice but to let go. I don't like letting go, not at all. This needs to stop and soon. I really hope it will. Really. But at the rate I'm going, that might not happen. I'll sometimes just stare at her, just thinking of a future we could have together if she accpeted and she'd discover me staring and look at me curiously until I recovered.

Just as we find our seat, a familiar songs comes on and Annabelle's face lights up. "I love this song!" Annabelle turns to me. Ah no. "Oliver, dance with me! Please?"

I take off my coat, fold up my sleeves. "I'm not much of a dancer," I warn. Tonight I'll have to be, for her.

"Anyone can dance."

"Like anyone can paint?" I retort. And I cannot paint.

"Exactly."

And I let her pull me out onto the dance floor. What am I getting myself into? Damn, the things you do for love. "I don't know how to dance," I say flatly. "Not like that." Couples around us are all over the place, making big movements that take up a lot of space. I have to dodge them all. "I'm pretty sure I've told you this before." Basically everytime we go to the Ritz these days.

"Well this time I'm ignoring you. It's not hard, I swear." Really? "We'll start with the basics." And for the next several minutes, Annabelle is teaching me how to do the Charleston. Eventually, I become brave enough to imitate some of the variations, like twirling her under my arm, not much else though. But she's okay with that. The songs fades and everyone on the dance floor claps for the band as they begin another song. I can dance to this. the waltz. And it looks like she wants to dance too, but then she starts to walk off.

I snort, "Annabelle, you want to sit down?" This is unbelievable.

"Don't you?"

Well, yes, but you don't. Plus how can I argue with having you in my arms again? "We can keep dancing if you want to." Dancing makes her happy, and as always, if she's happy, I'm happy.

"Well, to tell the truth, I've never waltzed before, so..." She looks away, ashamed.

"I'll show you. This dance, I can do." I like how this evens out. She teaches me a dance, I teach her one. "Just follow my feet, okay?" Nervously, she drops her head to watch me feet and I slowly set us into motion. After a minute, she lifts her head, but she steps on my foot. She groans out a sigh. "One mistake is not a big deal."

"Sorry about your foot."

"It didn't hurt. I've been stepped on many times before, by much bigger feet too." A lie, but she smiles at my bad attempt to make her smile, making me feel like I'm dancing on air, if even for a moment.

She drops her head again, trying to memorize the pattern my feet create across the floor. It's entertaining watching her do this. I'd even call it cute. I have to resist chuckling because I don't want a scowl in return, so I stick with smiling. But then she also looks up, meeting my gaze. I expect her to look away, to feel an awkwardness, but neither happen. We just smile, arm in arm, dancing in a vast crowd. Soon, the music fades, we clap, and I know what I must do now.

I lean down and whisper in her ear, "Can we have that talk now?"

"Yes, of course."

I toss an arm over her shoulder and she leans in close. I take a long, deep breath. It's time. I have to do it now. While I'm terrified of the possible outcome, I'm jittery too. Sure, Annabelle could say she doesn't love me, but I can at least have an answer to work with. Either I know if she does, or doesn't. There's no longer a secret. I can feel the weight lifting off my shoulers as we reach the exit.

"I must ask everyone to take their seats at this moment," annouces someone from the stage. "Thank you."

Annabelle and I look at another, then out the door. "We can always do it later," I sigh, though I would rather get this over with. I can't hold it in much longer. She nods and I takes us back to our seats. But I make sure to keep her hand in mine, and in my sight. That hand will be wearing a ring later and it will mean someting real, I say in my mind.

"Now for the real hosts of this party to reveal their surprise." The man gestures to another table.

My parents stand up over at their table. This is not good. My mother cries, "Surprise! It's an engagement party! Since you two haven't done anything at all! So I took the liberty of throwing one for you! We've been planning this for weeks, telling everyone and reminding them never to mention it to you. I'm glad to see you were truly surprised here! The secret was a success!"

My father speaks next, "We know you said you didn't want one, but that would've disapointed all of your friends and family that want to celebrate the momentous occasion. It's not everyday you get married, so live it up!" He chortles to himself, "Plus, who could resist the gifts? Well, we just wanted a way to say that we love you, son, and your blushing bride- oh, she really is blushing over there." She really is, and so am I. "And we hope that you have a marriage as perfect as your mother's and mine." And they kiss.

"Wait, we almost forgot!" My mother pulls away. "Our gift!" She seems really eager about this. "I know you you haven't been able to find it. But I think we found the perfect one for you. You're getting married in the fall! We booked your wedding to be held in Central Park, the same place you got engaged!" Pretended to be get engaged. But still, she had no right to do that! Even if we do end up marrying, it should be our choice of venue, china patterns and any other detail that goes along with a wedding. I'm going to have to confront her about this later, but for now, I put on a smile. We push our seats back and stand. Annabelle is clings to arm for dear life. "Why don't you both give a little speech?"

Annabelle shakes her head stiffly, telling me she can't go first. She even looks pale, like she might pass out. I certainly don't want that, so I clear my throat. "So, um, thank you everyone for coming. It's nice to know how much you all care about our happiness." I pause. What now? "Well, I really don't know what to say, honestly. I'm so unprepared."

"Say something about her!" says someone from the crowd.

"Oh, right. Thank you."

I clear my throat again, and look down at Annabelle. I can't say what I thought of saying privately without revealing everything. Not that I really care for their opinions, but I'd rather not have to deal with a scandal. She looks up at me too, probably wondering what I'll say as well. An idea hits me. Sure I can't exactly propse now, but I can say other things. I smirk then turn to everyone else.

"When I first met Annabelle, we were not... fond of each other. I never hated her, but I did trust her too much, or at all to tell the truth. I practically shoved her out the door the first time after talking for a few minutes." She laughs beside me. "But the next day, I sought her out... and she turned me down. But then, later she came to me. We started talking and things took off from there. As time passed, we got to know each other and talked even more and we became friends. She is still my friend. My close friend. My best friend and I can trust her with anything now." Including my heart, or so I hope so. Shouldn't that implied under anything?

"I got to know her very well. I've learned quite a few things. Like, Annabelle's so stubborn." I smile, amusing myself. "She is such a pain. I mean, she hates to admit when she's wrong. Hates it. And she's loves cleaning. And when she's really mad at you, she stays mad. Plus she knows just how to drive me crazy, whether it's annoying me or worrying me death. But I've also learned a lot of other things. Like that Annabelle only has one dimple when she smiles." As I had hoped, she presented us with one. "And when she paints, she makes these little faces and noises and she doesn't notice anything around her. It's like she's in that little world she's painting on the canvas. She's really smart and will read anything she can get her hands on. She's very caring, maybe too caring because it causes her grief. And she's strong. How else could someone last through years of poverty and still be sane? There are tons of things I could go on about, but I just want to say she is far, far from perfect."

I pause for only the slightest moment. It's time to say it. The big reveal, to her anyway. "But I love those flaws. And I wouldn't want her any other way." I grab Annabelle's hands and look her straight in the eye so the message is loud and clear. "I love Annabelle Jensen."

The whole room falls silent as they take in what I said, as she took it in. Soon, there's an eruption of applause that's almost defeaning. Sadly, her expression is giving much away. At least she doesn't look repulsed. Playing her part, Annabelle pecks me on the cheek, but the crowd demands something else. "No, kiss him for real!" They chant, "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

"No, no, we're not the kind of couple to do that. It's so personal, it's so inappropriate. Don't you agree, Oliver?" She elbows me. "Don't you agree?"

Jesus Christ, what do I do?! There is a huge difference between doing this privately, where only we will know, but now we have a room fulll of people who believe we're in love and are demanding a kiss. I want to, I really do, but I'm still not clear on her feelings. What if she doesn't feel the same and I kiss her, that's crossing the line. But what if she does and she's waiting for me to make the move? Why is this so confusing?

God damnit, I'm just going to do what I want to! It's just a kiss for Christ's sake!

I cup her chin, look her straight in the eye again, trying to make this clear and I pull her in for a kiss. Instantly, I know I'm stupid for not doing this before. It's too amazing a feeling. I mean, I've done it before, but by pure accident. But this is real! I chose to kiss her and she's not pushing me away, she's leaning in. Why hadn't I done this before?! If I had, I would have had so many other oppurtunities to feel like this... Unless she's acting for the crowd.

Despite that last thought, I don't pull away immediately. I'm loving this too much. If this is the only time I'll get do do this, I want to thoroughly enjoy it. Is that so wrong? I think not. But when I do finally end this perfect moment- is it a good sign that she didn't pull away?- I feel I must apologize if I really did cross the line. The look I give her is apologetic, but I can't hide the grin. She plops down in her seat, and ducks down low, probably trying to hide her blush.

"Your turn," I whisper, still trying to not to smile like a dope.

"Oh, right." She stands back up. "Sorry. About that. Um, I'm no good with public speaking. Please bear with me." I chuckle. "I'd also like to thank you all for showing how much you care for us. It's so honoring to know we have so many... friends." She pauses for a long, awkward moment. I see Clarisse gesture to me. "As Oliver said, when we first met, we didn't like each other much. I really did hate him. He was snarky, pretentious, and complained a lot." She smiles my favorite one-dimpled smile. "He still is and does, but I know him so much better now and got to see another side of him I would have never imagined after his first impression."

That's for sure. I was horrible to her the first time we met. I'll be ashamed of the moment for the rest of my life.

"I- I wasted my first kiss on him." I have to laugh at that. That night was too ridiculous not to. What she thought she was doing when I came out of the bathroom...  "It was when we first met, and out of excitement for something that just happened," Finding out she's not that kind of escort. "I hopped around the room for a minute then just grabbed him and planted a kiss on him. I didn't think about at first, but later, as I was lying in bed alone, I got mad at myself for wasting such a moment on someone I hardly tolerated."

She unravels her hand from mine and seems to avoid eye contact.

"Our second kiss is a different story though. You see, a family I've grown close to has a six year old little girl, and the first time Oliver came with me to visit them, she thought we were a couple. She'd cry when he didn't come or thought we broke up, but back then, we were only friends- barely friends. But one day, while visting them at their home, I was having a bad day and she was sitting in his lap, talking with her hands. I was distracted, not paying any attention until she whispered my name. Well, I turned around, and he intended on kissing my cheek, but since I turned, he got me on the lips. It wasn't passionate, we both kind of stared at each other, stunned, but... at that moment, I realized, I loved him."

I have to set my jaw to keep from smiling too big or goofily. She just said it. She said she loves me. But her voice sounds strained. That is starting to unnerve me. Is she about to shoot down what I said? Basically tell me she doesn't love me? Which is it then? Does or doesn't she?

"But I didn't tell him. I hid it from him. And then a few days later, I made a even worse mistake. I told him my true feelings, on accident, and took it back by covering it up. Even when he asked me directly." I knew she was lying. "It took me almost two months to finally tell him, and you have no idea how much of a relief it was to say." She turns to me, tears brimming in her eyes. "I love you, Oliver, please know that. You have no idea how much. And that..." I caress her face, smiling sadly, and am about to wipe away some tears. Why is she crying? I don't like this. She should be happy. We both know now. "And that is exactly why I can't do this. I'm sorry."

What?!

Annabelle pulls me in for another kiss, momentarily distracting me. I close my eyes and attempt to slide my hands around her, but she pulls away and just runs out, without another word. I stare after her, dumbfounded. My mind is working too slow trying to process this. And it doesn't help that all eyes are on me right now.

What. Just. Happened?

Did Annabelle just say she loved me? I think she said she loved me? She loves me!... But that's why she's running off? Because she loves me? But that's a good thing. We love each other. We can be together. Why run from that? That rids us of this mess. But why on earth would she leave me if she loves me? I don't get it. What's the problem here? Is there something I'm missing? Is it such a horrible thing to love me? Is that why she ran... because she doesn't want to love me?

I don't know how long I'm standing there, waiting, praying she'll just come running back. But she doesn't. So I run now. Without addressing the crowd, I run straight to the place I'm sure she'll go: the Russells' apartment.