Hollow

I walk into my bedroom to place my wares atop my bed, but am startled to see an unexpected guest. There's a face I never thought I'd see again. He's just sitting, on the edge of my bed, with that charming smile of his, like he belongs on the edge of my bed. I drop my things and gasp.

"Wh—what are you doing here?"

He gestures to me. "I'm here to visit you, of course." I give him a perplexed look, and he shrugs. "I … just decided to come." As I continue to gawk, he pats the bed on the spot next to him. He rolls his eyes at my hesitation. "I'm not going to bite, you know. Promise," he adds, holding up his right hand. I hesitate again and he gets up, walks over to me, and reaches for my hand. I hop backwards, surprising us both. He sits back down and I join him on the bed, making sure there's at least a foot between us and begin to play with the hem of my skirt. He scoots a little closer, but I scoot away. He forces himself to laugh a little. "I guess this is as close as I'm going to get, huh?"

"Don't touch me."

His charming smile disappears and it's replaced with a frown. "Okay." The loss of his smile actually makes my heart ache. I almost want to reach out for his hand to comfort him, but I can't allow that. I mustn't. He sighs. "So, I know you've been visiting me." The ghost of his grin is painted on his lips.

Oh no, I've been caught. That doesn’t stop me from denying it. "I—I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, you do," he retorts. "I've seen you coming to see me."

Now I’ve really been caught. My cheeks are bright red. "You could … see me?"

"Yeah. And I've also … heard things."

My heart stops for half a second. He knows. He can't know that. Not that. Anything but that.

When his gaze meets mine, he almost looks in pain and again I want to reach out to him. "Are you really … engaged?" I look away shamefully, but nod. He gets up off the bed, his wrists pressed against his temples, and begins to pace. He's deep breathing for a few minutes before he stops and looks at me. "How could you?" he snaps. "We told each other we loved one another! You said you'd love me till the day you died! Whatever happened to that? And I said I'd love you forever! I do still love you! You know that, right? I've never stopped loving you! Don't you love me?"

I can't even look him in the eye. "Yeah." His foot taps on the floor, waiting for more. "Yeah, I know you still love me." I want to say more, but it'll make things worse. So, so much worse. He doesn’t even know. "I'm sorry,” I murmur. “You should just … move on."

"Well, apparently you’ve moved on already,” he explodes, throwing his arms out. “So thanks! Thanks for betraying me! Everything you said to me must have been a lie I guess!"

My head snaps up. "Hey, you don't get to say that to me! You left me, remember?"

"Like I had much of a choice!" I stumble with my words as I try to think of a comeback, but come up short. We both know that’s the truth. "Do you have any idea how crappy I felt when I heard you were engaged? I had to come see for myself! But it's good to know you're already over me!"

That comment makes me bristle. "Already?" I bellow. "Already? Are you kidding me? It's been over two years!" I stand up and start pointing and jabbing a finger in his direction. "How long do you expect me to wish you hadn't left me? Ever since that day, I've cried almost every single night. I'll never get over you! If you've been watching me so much, then you'd know that! Because you left me! You left me hollow!" When my voice breaks, I lower it. "It's gotten better. He's been filling me back up, but I still cry sometimes. Because of you."

"But do you love him more than you loved me?" The question is an accusation.

Again, I blush and look away. "No. I love you more." I hear him take a breath to shout something back, but the argument dies in his throat. The corners of my mouth turn up in a sad smile. "He reminds me of you, just so you know. That's what made me fall for him, I think. The way he does things, some of the stuff he says." My eyes wander over to him. "I'd rather have the real deal though."

He seems to be loss for words now. All he can manage is, "Really?"

I nod again. "I said I'd love you until the day I die. I will. I'll love you forever and always, I swear. I really do still love you, more than ever." His smile comes back and he's walking over to me, but I step back, holding up my hands as a precaution. My smile morphs into a scowl. "But that doesn’t change the fact that you left."

There’s a frown between his eyebrows. "But—"

"Why did you have to leave me?" I ask, my hands clasping over my heart. "It was too soon for me. I never saw it coming. So why? Why, why, why? It hurts that I love you so much! And why can't I seem to move on?"

Before I even realize what's happening, he's right in front of me, holding my face, then kisses me hard on the lips. I haven't had a kiss this amazing in a long time. Since the morning before he left. It’s warm and tingly and it feels like we just fit together and we’re not two people but one entity. I run my hands through his hair, down his back, against his torso, along his face. I never knew I’d get to do this again. I thought I’d lost my chance to do it again. But I was so wrong. I’m so happy I was wrong. I’m so happy I could cry. I don't realize I'm actually crying until I could taste the tears, and at that point, I pull us toward the bed. I remove my hands reluctantly and begin to undo his shirt.

He pries himself away. "Hold on there."

I fight to pull myself back to him. "I don't want to save it for him. I wanted this for you. I always thought we'd get married."

He's trying so hard to give me his charming smile, my favorite smile in the world, but it flickers down to a frown every few seconds. "If I could marry you, I would. Right now. Please know that. But now … it's impossible."

"Because you're not even really here," I spit out with disdain. I curl into a little ball, my tears still falling freely. "You’re not even here. Because you died. Because you didn't want to listen to me when I said don't come over. And because you had to get hit by a drunk driver. You’re dead." I look up at him. "Why didn't you listen?" I demand.

"If I could turn back time, I would." He comes over, presses his lips to my forehead then leans his forehead against mine. "My God, I really would. But remember that I'll always, always love you and—"

"Baby?" My fiancé is at my doorway, the image of confusion and worry. But he quickly rushes over to the side of the bed and hugs me close against him. "What's wrong, baby? Why does it look like you were crying?"

I make up some stupid lie about pre-wedding jitters getting to me. It’s not like I can tell him I almost just cheated on him with my dead ex-boyfriend.

Because he never doubts me, he buys it.

"Don't worry about that. It's all taken care of." He kisses the top of my head. "I love you."

"I'll love you till the day I die," the other says, standing right in front of us. I bite back a smile and suppress more tears. Of course he's not going to die again. "I'll always be there for you." He bends down to wipe away a tear. "That's if you want me there."

"I want you here," I sigh. "I love you."

The man with his arms around me tightens the embrace in response, assuming I’m talking to him. I wrap my arms around his neck, but watch as the other man walks out the room, with that charming smile plastered on, waving to me. When he's gone again, my eyes flutter shut.

"I always want you here," I whisper.