Excuses, Excuses

With my back against the door, I slide down to the ground, prop my elbows on my knees and hide my face in my hands.

I knew this would happen at some point. I really did, not this soon, but I knew. Deep down though, I hoped that it wouldn't. That it would last forever, but it wouldn't be the same, that it would subtley change into something more. But nope, it's over.

Roxy nudges me with her wet nose and licks my cheek. I uncover half of my face to oet her head. "I guess we're on our won today Roxy," I sigh, scratching her behind the ears, just like she likes it. We are in front of the Russells' apartment. I knocked on their door, but there came no response, so I can only assume they're out looking for work. But that means I have no where to be right now. I have nothing else now.

Not long ago, I was being yanked from my sleep after hearing his mother shriek, being pulled from the warmth of Oliver's arms, and off the bed. By his parents, who weren't suppose to come home for another week. They came into my room, probably searching for Oliver, in which they do find him, but in bed with a girl. So the mother proceeds to tear me away.

I accidentally wake him up, and he gets irritated with me at first, "What the hell, Annabelle? What are you doing?" But then he comes to his senses and sees his parents. "Mom? Dad? You're home?"

"Yes, Oliver, we are. But may we ask who is also home?" She jabs a finger at me, and I could practically feel her finger stabbing me even though she didn't touch me. "We're gone for a week and you go and pull something like this." His mother grabs me by the arm and squeezes, her nails starting to dig into my skin.

"I can explain!"

"Oh! Please do! I'd love to hear what you have to say about this," And she shakes me in front of him to add to the point. I look at him too, wondering how he can make this work. "What's the excuse?"

"Well...it's just- she's- we're were just-" He can't seem to find a an answer at the moment. He looks at me like I'll know what to say, my arm still in the grasp of his mother's, and looks panicked. I'm panicking too, so I can't help him out. My heart is racing and thrumming in my ears. She squeezes even harder, and her nails pinch my skin. I flinch. "First of all, please let her go. You're hurting her."

"I'll let her go when you tell me who this is!" She shakes me again.

"Louise," says the father, stepping forward. He places his hand on her shoulder. "Calm down. I'm sure he has a good explaination for this all." He turns to Oliver, and hardens his face, "Right?" Oliver nods.

"But Jack-"

"No, let him talk. Now Oliver, who is the pretty young girl you have here?"

Our eyes meet, and he struggles for words, "She's, umm, she's... my, umm..."

The mother grabs my chin and gets a look at me. She narrows her eyes, locking on my face and tries to piece together everything. She goes from squinting to her eyes growing wide. Her grip on my arm tightens, "She broke into our house! She's the girl you found in the closet!" She tosses my face away. "But why would she be here now?" Her eyes go from me to Oliver and back, then at him again, "Oliver! How could you do this to your father and I?! We brought you up properly!"

"Do what?" He's as lost as I am.

"Buy a hooker," says his father flatly.

The mother tosses me onto the bed and runs out of the room, the father fallowing her. "I'm calling the police again. Hopefully this time they'll keep her in there! I thought breaking into a house was a good excuse to be locked up, but appreantly not. How can you allow such filth in your home? In your bed? And then allow her to-?" She makes a disgusted sound.

"Mom! It's not like that at all!" He goes to chase after them, but then runs back to me. "Are you okay?" I nod, but rub my arm where she held me. "I am so sorry. They weren't suppose to come home for days."

"Oliver, I think it's time for me to go." I stand up and go looking for my pack. "We both knew this was going to happen. It was only a matter of time." I find it in the chest with all of the art supplies. I stuff my sketchbook in it, pick up my charm bracelet from the nightstand, and tie my red ribbon in my hair. Luckily, Roxy comes running in at this point, sparing me from having to go look for her.

"You don't have to leave. Plus I still owe you money, nearly five hundred dollars."

"Only two hundred since I only worked for a week," I correct. I walk up to him and give him a hug. "Thank you for giving me a job, a strange one at that, but it brought money to the people I care for most." I look up at him, "And thank you for being a friend. I've only ever had one before," I gesture to my canine companion, "But what you did for me is different. I'll never be able to repay you for all you've done." I rise on my toes to kiss him on the cheek, but he presses me down.

I have to hold back my frown. Is it really that bad that I wanted to give him a small kiss? Not even on the lips, which I considered for the slightest second, but the cheek. I turn to walk out of the door, but he pulls me back.

"You don't have to go. At least let me try and come up with something to tell them." I bite my lip, thinking. "Give me an hour. Okay?" But before I can answer he goes running out of the room. At the door, he turns around and points to me. "Just stay there. I need to stop them from calling the police. I'll be back soon." And he closed the door.

I couldn't let him lie to his parents. That's a terrible thing to ask of him. And I couldn't just wait around if they already called police department. Being called down there twice in two weeks by the same people wouldn't look good, even if the first was considered a mistake.

I have to end it now.

I pick up Roxy and carry her over to the window. "Let's go, Roxy. Time for us to move on. Say by to our old home." She only wags her tail. I open the window and carefully set her down on the ground. I hop onto the windowsill and hesitate in a crouch. I don't want to leave. I partly wish that he'd run through the door and stop me. He'd rush over to the window and pull me into his arms and say that he doesn't want me to leave. Not because we're friends but that he thinks we're more, then he will purposely plant his lips on mine. I waited longer than neccessary, but I hear could hear them talking rather loudly in the other room. "Bye, Hastings. I love you," I say clearly, again wishing he'd burst into the room, but he doesn't.

I hop down and walk along the side of the house, ducking under the view of windows and as soon as we get to the frontyard, I pick up Roxy and run to and down the sidewalk. I don't stop until I was two blocks away. I put down my dog and begin to make our way to the Russells' apartment. Now I'm here in front of their home, but no one's home.

Alone, again.

My stomach growls. I rub my empty stomach and sigh. Back to square one. I'm exactly where I was about a month ago. I stand up, hoist my pack over my shoulder and make a decision. I need to go find a job too. But where to look? I walk out of ther building, to the sidewalk and look both ways. "Which way, girl?"

She looks both ways too, but looks unsure herself.

"We'll go right since we went left last time." But look where that got us.

For hours, I go searching all across theis big and wondorous city, sure I'd find at least something. Even if the job pays horribly (or should I say worse than pay already is out there) and the conditions are horrible, it's only fitting I get that job. The past week, I have been in pure luxury, though I have been miserable most of the time, but still, I had the most comfortable employment ever and by far the easiest. I will never, ever complain about the labors I will have to perform in front of the Russells.

While trekking up and down the streets of the NYC, my stomach kept reminding me I have yet to eat a single bite all day. It's harder to ignore since I ate a hearty meal everyday, with the exception of one day, so I'm going to have to condition myself again. But I'm so overcome with hunger pangs and tired from walking, I give in midafternoon and buy a sandwich. I go to Central Park to sit on a park bench to eat, but decide it would be best if I split the food with Roxy. No more big meals for me.

When I finish my half, I lean back on the bench and breath out loudly. I look around the park, admiring the beauty of it all and smile up at the sun. How is it such a beautiful day after such a horrible night?

My smile falters. It wasn't a horrible night. It was... perfect. It was more than perfect. I was in his arms. He held me close and comforted me all night and protected me from the storm. He cared for me. I slept in his arms, and when I tried to move away, he pulled me in closer. Does that mean something? Or was that him just sleeping? Could he possibly share my feelings?

And his parents had to come in and ruin everything! I was in a state of near-bliss and they woke me up from that dream. But it had to happen at some point. That was just a dream come true. A very unexpected dream, an amazing dream, but it won't fully come true. It's for the best though. Being close to him would make things harder. Being as close as we were last night would make things alot harder. I might misinterpret something from our little act as something more and do something idiotic.

But why would I? He did say we were only friends. Friends help friends through troubled times, or so I've heard. I had trouble last night, and he merely helped me through it. Nothing to read into that? Just two friends sleeping in a bed together. I would gladly sleep next to Roxy if neccessary, and I have everynight for years. So maybe that's it. I don't love Oliver. I care for him as a friend. Like I told him, I've only ever had one friend, but she's a dog. Maybe whatever I feel around him is... friendship?

No. I love him.

"Oh my dear God!" I lay face down on the bench and hold back tears of anger, sadness, longing, freedom, everything really. I can't cry. I won't allow it. If I cry, it becomes too real. No tears. I will not have one good cry. I will not acknowledge this empty feeling. I can't.

Before I realize it, I fall asleep. I vaguely dream of last night, only he wakes up when whispered I love him and says it back. Roxy wakes me up by licking me in the face. I stretch and yawn and slowly sit up, letting my head hang. Of course. A dream. I throw my head back and rub my eyes before opening them. It's not sunny anymore. It's dark outside. Jane and the kids should be home by now.

"Let's go... home, Roxy." I check my pack before getting up and walking off. I stop by the candy shop to pick up a few pieces as back up for the tears I see coming from Molly. She cried when she just thought Oliver and I 'broke up'. I don't want to imagine what she will do when we actually did, in the sorts.

I stop in front of the building, looking up at the window that belongs to my little family. It's lit, so I proceed inside and up the stairs. I put on a slight smile as I approach their door to try and soften the blow and knock.

There's whispers from the inside and I lean in closer to try and listen, but someone speaks up. "Who- who is it?" It's Jimmy.

"It's me, Annie. Annabelle. Is something wrong? What are you whispering?"

Jimmy opens the door and they all tackle me. "You're okay! You're okay!"

"Yes, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

They all pull me in and push me onto the couch. Molly jumps into my lap. "We all thought you ran away. Why would you run away, Annie? We prayed that you didn't, but we couldn't know for sure."

"I didn't run away. Why would you think that?" I look for Jane for an explaination, but she's no where to be seen. My heart drops into my stomach. "Where's Jane?" I look at all three kids. "Where is your mother?" If she got hurt, I don't know what I'll do. "Is she okay? Is she missing? Is that why you thought I ran away?"

"She's out looking for you," says Teddy. "She thinks you ran away too."

I lay back against the lumpy couch, relieved. "Thank God." I brush away a few stray strands of hair. "Why do you all think I ran away?"

"Well Oliver came here-"

"Oliver? He came here? Why?"

"He came here for you, of course! He said you ran away from his house and couldn't find you, so he came here, but you weren't here either. Mommy told us to stay here just in case you came here, but they left to look for you. They've been gone for a long time."

"Your mother and Oliver are out looking for me?"

"Yes." Molly pouts, "Why would you run away? I thought you loved him? Do you not love him anymore?"

That's precisely the problem, but not why I ran off. "It's a long story, Molly. But I still love him. Do you know where they could've gone?" They shake their little blond heads. "Okay, I'm going to see if I can find them myself. I'll be back in a few if I don't find them." I laugh to myself. Here I go again, just like the other day.

I leave Roxy with them, and my pack, as reassurance that I'm not trying to disappear again, and go looking for the pair. Having no idea where to look, I walk along the road Oliver and I took when we walked to the apartment. I walk for while, then turn back deciding they'll find out sooner or alter I've already been found. I just stepped onto the sidewalk of their block when I hear my name. "Annabelle," they gasp. Is it bad that I'm disappointed it's Jane? She marches right over to me and looks kind of angry. "Don't ever ever scare me like that ever again! Do you got that. Or I'll- or I'll-" she trails off, trying to think of a punishment. She doesn't come up with one. "You and I really need to chat about whatever is going on between you and the boy." I open my mouth to whine. "Not right now. He should be back any minute. Let's wait for him in the apartment." I'd rather go looking for him, but I don't argue. I follow her up the stairs.

We get her floor when her door opens, and out comes Oliver. "Mrs. Russell. Annabelle's been here. Apparently she's gone looking for us now." He's also thinking of that same night. I step from behind Jane and give a small wave. "Oh. Annabelle. She found you."

She moves from between us," I'll give you two a minute." And she goes into the apartment, leaving Oliver and I alone in the hallway.

"Why did you just diappear like that? I told you I was going to come up with something to tell them. You scared the hell out of me. And then when I came here, and you weren't with them either! I've been walking around this city looking for you."

"Sorry?" I shrug.

"Sorry? You don't know if you're sorry?"

"No. I feel bad that I had you searching for me, I really do, but this is inevitable. We both knew this had to end. It was just much sooner than expected."

"But why did you leave?"

"Because I didn't want the police to take me away again. And I didn't want you to lie to your parents for me. And I also couldn't think of a single excuse you could possibly tell them that made sense. I bet that's what you came here for. To tell me they didn't believe you."

"Actually, no. I came up something. You can stay even longer than we planned."

I'm torn between being happy and mad. "And what did you tell them?"

"Well, at first, they really thought you were a hooker. It took me the longest to convince them otherwise. But then I had to think of something to explain why you were living in the house. So I went on to tell them that the morning I fouund you in the closet was an act. We were trying to throw them off our trail. They believed it. I told them we met a while ago and have been scertly seeing each other for months. And they also believed that. But that's not an excuse for you to still be living there." He looks down at the ground, "So I blurted out the first thing that came to mind and they completely bought it. Now they want you living there."

I fold my arms and sit in my hip, "What did you tell them?" I know I will regret asking this. He doesn't asnwer me. "Oliver, what did you tell your parents?" He takes one hand out of his pocket, along with a tiny box, and tosses it to me. I catch it and stare, puzzled. "A present from them to me?"

"No, it belongs to me. They gave it to me after my grandparents passed, so I could give ti to someone else. And they think you're that someone now," he says, still not looking up.

I open the little box and find a ring. I gasp and drop the box. "You told them we were married?! Are you crazy?!"

"No!... I told them we're... engaged..."

"And they believed you?" I ask doubtfully. WHo in their right mind would believe such an outright lie?

"I told them that if they were paying attention at all this morning, they would have seen that you were wearing the ring because you fell asleep with it on.

"No, Oliver. I won't do it. That's just wrong. You can't do that."

He walks over and picks up the box holding the ring. It is beautiful. A simple gold band with a single diamond. My mother had one just like it. "But now if I don't come home with you, they will think you're a hooker and have the police looking for you."

"I don't care. That's so deceiving. You can't say something like that. Do you even know what an engagement is? You thold them we are getting married! Don't you think they might get suspicious if that never happens? And I refuse to pretend to marry you." But now the idea is planted in my head.

"I don't expect us to acually get married. After a while, we'll just break up the engagement. It happens all of the time. We'll say we want to marry a long time from now, so no plans don't have to be made yet, and whenever you want to, we'll just end it."

"No, Oliver. I can't do it." I walk past him and open the door of the room to walk in but they all turn to look at me. This poor struggling family has no money, and I'm walking away from the oppurtunity of a lifetime. Now I can't do that. I close the door, walk back to Oliver and hold up my palm. "Hand it over."

"You don't have to if you don't want to."

I scowl him. "I don't have much of a choice unless I want the police after me and I want my family to starve. Now give me the ring." When he doesn't cooperate immediately, I go to snatch it from his hand, but he reacts and it falls to the ground again. He bends down to pick it up and holds up the ring byit self pinched in his fingers. I hold up my palm again, but he grabs my wrist, flips my hand over and slides the ring into place. "This is so wrong," I say, looking at the diamond on my hand.

"This isn't real. We won't have to act any different then we had been because they think we were already engaged last week. So nothing really changes." Besides that his parents will be finding any excuse to scrutinize me.

"Oliver?" He raises his eyebrows. "Why does it matter that I stay longer? You could have just said I was a fling and be done with it."

He blushes, "Well, you're a friend." There's the word again. I'm starting to hate it. "And I can't forget that you exist and act like I don't know you're struggling to make ends meet. And I also care for them in there." He tilts his head at the apartment door. "They're nice people. Isn't that why you're willing to do this?"

"Yes, of course," I say quickly. Too quickly. "I care for them deeply and would do anything for them." Even pretend to be engaged to the boy I love. I feel so selfish now.

"It's setteled then."

Oliver and I go into the apartment and the first thing I do is turn the ring so the diamond isinmy palm. I do tell Jane, but thankfully, she doesn't go hysterical, only gives me a look. I know exactly what she said. She said it's a bad idea and will only cause more problems, for me not him. I smile weakly back, understanding.

We aren't there long. Everyone says good bye and plays one last time with Roxy. We have to get back to his parents' house before they get the urge to call the police on me. When we get to the house, I'm greeted with open arms. They admire the ring on my hand and claim it looks perfect. Mr. and Mrs. Hastings apologize for this morning adn give me a warm hug. But those hug were pretty cold. Something about the way they speak to me tells me there's something else on their mind, but I'm suddenly tired.

I excuse myself to my room and intend on taking a bath, but when I get to my room, I already hear someone snoring. I turn on the lights and see to figures in my bed. I turn the lights back off and tiptoe away. I go up to the Hastings again. "Excuse me. Where am I staying? There's someone in the room I was staying in this week." Am I going to have to walk all the way back to the apartment?

"Oh, those are some neighbors of ours that will be staying with us for a while. Their house is being redone. So I offered to let them stay in the guest room."

"But where will she be staying?" asks Oliver. Mrs. Hastings cheekily grabs my hand and leads me back down the hall, to Oliver's room. She throws open the door and I see maids folding my clothes and putting them in drawers, and the chest full of art supplies are in a corner. "She'll be staying in my room?"

"Is that a problem? You are engaged, aren't you?" We both nod. "Okay, well goodnight you two. See you in the morning." And she shuts the door.

Without a word, I grab my pajamas and go take a bath. I lock the door to the bathroom, not that I expect Oilver to come in, but just to feel secure when I cry alittle while washing up. I finish and change into my might wear and lay down in bed. Shortly after, he finishes his bath and lays down too. I scoot all the way to the edge, as far away as possible and facing away. He sighs. "Sorry. I didn't know she'd do something like this."

"It's fine." I frown. "Goodnight Oliver."

"Goonight Annabelle. And sorry again."

"I said it's fine." He turns the lamp next to his bed, pulls the covers higher. When I'm sure he's asleep, I let let one or two more tears slip out. Just as I'm about to nod off, I remember I still have the ring on, so I slip it off, and place it the night stand. My last coherent thought is while I'm staring at it, hoping that the ring really is mine.